I saw a satirical article today about a Bible that, if it were real, might have become the next best-selling edition of our sacred text. The Babylon Bee article titled, “New Progressive Bible Features Perforated Pages for Easy Removal of Parts You Don’t Like,” hilariously points out how so many people treat the Word of God.
Unfortunately, what The Bee calls satire is not far from reality. In a viral speech made in April 2026, the so-called bishop Yvette Flunder of the United Church of Christ said, “We need a third testament because the Bible has become problematic. ‘Slaves obey your masters.’ ‘Let the women keep silent in churches.’ We need to pull those pages out!” Sounds like this would be the Bible for her.
But what this minister of Satan proclaims overtly is what millions more will do with cleverly crafted language, by relying on man-made traditions, or overriding it with whatever they feel in their hearts. When they find something in the Bible that disagrees with them, they will ignore it, shrug it off as a relic of the past, claim, “That’s just your interpretation,” or twist it to fit their preferences.
The Bible is not a tool for someone to use for their own purposes. It is the Word of the living God. Peter tells us plainly, “…no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit” (2 Pet. 1:20-21). God is the author, and He alone decides how His Word is to be understood. In Matthew 28:18, Jesus says, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.” What man or woman can claim authority over Christ?
God’s Word cannot be altered. He warns us to never attempt to change it at the beginning, middle, and end of the Bible. In Deuteronomy 4:2, Proverbs 30:6, and Revelation 22:18, the message is clear: do not add to nor take away from what is written.
As an example, consider the push to put women in church leadership. The Bible has spoken clearly on this matter. In 1 Timothy 2:12, Paul said, “And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.” As Peter assured us, this was not Paul’s idea. It is the Word that God moved him to write. There is neither time nor context in which God’s Word is not true. Therefore, no one may appoint a woman as a bishop (elder) of the church.
Now, consider yourself. Do you take the whole of Scripture as the Word of God, or are there pages in your Bible you wish had a perforated edge? We must accept and submit to the authority of the Scriptures (cf. 2 Tim. 3:16-17).
